I had a few other blog posts I planned to write before this one, like my amazing ballet adventures and how I managed to meet some of the dancers I most admired. But I recently made a pretty big decision about my own creative career that I felt was important to share.
I recently announced on social media that after 2026, I was no longer going to be doing big conventions. I wanted to go more into depth about how I came to that decision as it was something I had been considering for quite some time.
Fantasy has always been a refuge for me. I’m a proud working class girl, pro-union runs in my veins, but I’m also disabled and that has made me a target for most of my life. People have often put limits on me based on their own assumptions. Growing up queer and disabled in the Midwest was to be an outsider. Being fascinated by things someone of my class was not supposed to be fascinated by (ballet, plays, etc.) meant I was often dismissed at best. I was often made to feel that my only worth was monetary and this left me with a deep resentment of all things capitalist.
When I got my college degree, it was purely out of spite, because people told me I couldn’t do it.
My love of fantasy sparked my creativity and as I grew and discovered my own creative voice, opportunities came my way. I learned about the con scene and I was so excited to be a part of it. Even if working class people weren’t exactly welcomed with open arms. When I was in college, I met the woman I would fall in love with and she would introduce me to ballet. That act probably saved my life.
After college was when I started publishing and I had to fight tooth and nail for space at shows. It never got easier, but I kept telling myself one day it would. It was just because I was a prose writer and people really didn’t care about novels. I just had to show that I was “one of the good ones” and then I would earn my place. It didn’t matter how dehumanizing it got, that’s just how it was.
And then I found myself in the toxic nightmare that was my parttime side hustle. Where I would survive a violation of my body, my mind, and my sense of self.
Since surviving that, I’ve really started re-evaluating just how hostile con culture and fandom in general is to people of the working class, how much it encourages materialism/consumption, and just how connected it is to the rising fascism that is taking place around the world. A lot of people who attend cons think they’re automatically left wing because they’re outsiders, but they’re just middle class people feeding into the culture of greed. Most cons have completely priced out working class nerds, most working class artists can never hope to get a space at shows, and the attendees look at the vendors that do like they’re machines (put money in, get art). They just want more, more, more and they want it right now.
And they’re so awful to people of working class backgrounds. I can’t stress that enough. The white middle class collectors hoard all the merch, drive up the price of everything, pay exorbitant costs to get into special experiences and shows. They’re the foot soldiers of capitalist interests.
And it hurt. It hurt knowing that every time I got a space, someone else (some other working class artist who didn’t have connections, because that’s the only way you can get a space at shows. That or having a million followers) went hungry. I started hating writing. I just wanted my sanctuary back again. I wanted to be happy again. I wanted writing to feel natural and fun like it used to.
I hated having to beg and plead every single time I needed a space. I just wanted someone to see my worth (which felt like it had been stripped of me in that shitty coffee chain I worked at).
Then I went to London, to the Royal Ballet (slightly high because my kidney decided to stop working the night before I left and I was on pain meds. It’s a long story), and I met Ed Watson, an amazing dancer I have admired for years. I got to see him dance and he was so kind. But it was more than that. Here was this incredibly accomplished artist who didn’t automatically look at me with suspicion, but spoke to me with warmth and kindness. There was no materialism, no ulterior motives, just a really nice moment.
When I went back home, I found out I was waitlisted for a big show and I…didn’t care. I was starting to feel like I didn’t want to be somewhere that I wasn’t wanted. I was growing weary of the side eyes, the questions about my worth (what awards I had or hadn’t won, what level of education I had, etc. Writers are classist and bougie). I went back to London to see another ballet after being surprised with a front row ticket. I met more of my favorite dancers, including Joseph Sissens, who greeted me so exuberantly.
That’s really when I decided I was done with the big comic cons. I didn’t like the environment, I didn’t like how artists were treated, I didn’t like the proliferation of AI, I didn’t like the worship of wealth and celebrity (the encouragement of parasocial behavior), I didn’t like the materialism and overconsumption that fed into the rise of fascism. I was done. But I would give it one more year. And at the end of the year, I would explain my reasoning.
Then ICE invaded and occupied Chicago. And I delayed my sixth novel’s release, “Arachne’s Revolution”, so that I could help fight back in whatever small way I could. Because I’m a Leftist, a proud working class woman, with deep Irish roots. I don’t stand passively by when fascist come marching into my city, abducting people off the streets.
“If I get punished, for fighting against rising authoritarianism, I’m bumping up spilling a whole lot of tea,” I thought.
And sure enough, I got waitlisted. Because I wasn’t relevant anymore (i.e. I wasn’t producing books like a machine. I made the unforgiveable sin of being abused, basically tortured, in every way imaginable in a toxic workplace. And then I further delayed it because I can’t stand by when fascists are goose-stepping down the streets).
It’s more than that. I’m currently reading a lot of theory on Capitalism, Socialism, Communism, and Anarchy. We’re basically seeing the working class being smothered in this country. The entire system is rigged against us. We’ll never have the right contacts, we can never hope to be good enough to feed these materialistic ghouls. We favor genuine experiences and people, they favor power and performance. Capitalism will always turn towards fascism in times of instability because fascism is all about control. Fascism is all about targeting those who are weak and vulnerable and scapegoating them (saying they’re the world’s problems. That’s another reason why I will never get involved in any fandom. The amount of times I’ve seen people reblog white supremacists just because they say things like “Fandom doesn’t owe you anything” is too often to count).
I used to think I could change cons, if I was just my plucky joyful curious self. But corrupt systems can’t be changed by just one person. It requires a movement. And I’m not the sort who starts a movement.
Lately, I have been exploring more local shows. I need to look up another Raks Geek show. They’re always delightful. I have tickets to all of the Joffrey’s spring shows. I recently found out Chicago has a fun puppeteering community and I think that’s incredible.
Friends have commented on how happy I look in recent pictures, happier than I have looked in quite a while. I’m feeling more like myself again. Art feels like home once more. Writing is fun again. “Arachne’s Revolution” will be out when it’s out. I’m still planning to do local shows (they’re smaller, but they’re always fun. There are a couple I haven’t done in years) as well as library events. Readers will still be able to get my books from my online shop. I’m still going to go on random adventures.
I don’t know how many shows I’ll be accepted into this year (probably none. After all, I’m not pumping out novels like a machine and I’m sharing an opinion. Nobody wants an opinionated bitch at their show, LOL). I don’t have any regrets. If I had to do it all over again, I would still choose to help the vulnerable people in my community. I would still choose to fight against fascism.
If you’re an artist, I know cons seem like fun and online stuff seems like a community (it’s not). My advice: don’t let anyone take your love of art away from you. Don’t let people make your art into some kind of capitalist grind to make profit. Almost none of the people at those shows are contributing to their communities. They’re just promoting themselves and their brand or fandom (those spaces are all about money and creating hierarchies based on it, whether people realize it or not). Art should be about liberation, not pacifying the masses.
Anyhow, I should blog more. I know people don’t really read blogs, but I like it.
Truthfully, I’m happier than I have been in quite some time. I think that’s worth something.
